Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Hunger and ramblings

I slept 'til 3:30 a.m. again and woke feeling so hungry.  Of course, all the snacks (Ramen noodles, etc.) were packed in my luggage.  I had a couple of banana's that I brought up to the room from breakfast yesterday.   So I ate one of those.  Wow, they are so sweet and so less banana tasting here.  Oh and I love these hard China beds!  I remember I loved them last time I was here, but you never get used to plopping down on the very puffy duvet only to feel a thud.  LOL...   I don't feel like I've slept soundly yet; it's like I can't turn off the sounds or conversations in my head and I'm only having a "surface" sleep.  It's as if, my eyes are closed from exhaustion, but more like when you're trying to sleep when a tv is on in the background.   So far, there's been no wimpering coming from Meiying during her sleep, but twice she called out (in a light, happy way, but definitely asleep) "mommy".  I think that's good.  She doesn't refer to her foster mom as mommy...that's always "ma-maa" (sounds like an italian).  So since she said "mommy" she must've been calling to me or dreaming about me, right?
The comments from you all are giving me strength.   Mom, Jennie, Cilla, I was so happy to finally have heard from you.  I started crying, of course, but your words did give me strength.  I was laughing about your not-so-subtle name hint of Vera mom.   Many have asked how I'm holding up.  That's not coming thru in my writing?  Ha, ha...  I'm doing ok.  I really am.  I just got a phone call from my caseworker at our adoption agency (all the way from the US). She had been following my blog too and she was checking in on me.  That was sooo nice of her.  She reasurred me that this is normal and even my feelings are normal.
Meiying is awake now, we're going to eat.  This breakfast buffet is not very western and there's not much I can eat off of it.  I better lose weight this trip.  I'm absolutely starving.  The McD's is tasting good though and the Pizza Hut last night was delicious.  Ha, ha...I took a flight to China...to eat American food!


Elizabeth, David, Katie, &Chloe said...

She seems to be doing fine with you. Chloe did the same things. She was fine in China but had lots of night terrors. She always went to the phone when it rang and I now she was wanting to call home again. Once home in the USA she told a chinese friend of ours that she kept trying to call home but no one was there. That was sad for us. We didn't have the foster families phone number at that time. She is adjusting well to you I think. I love reading the blog.

Cheryl said...

Told you you'd lose weight in China!!! Have a bottle of Great Wall wine and forget about everything :-)

Just wait until you get to Guangzhou! Lucy's, here you come....

day by day said...

Ohhhh....I have just now been able to access the internet here in Disney and have just caught myself up!

First, a huge congratulations on your newest daughter!! She is absolutely beautiful and sounds like an amazing little girl! You have journaled your trip/adoption experience so wonderfully and full of detail!!!!

Adopting an older child is def different than a little one, isn't it? Sophie was 2 1/2...of course that is not old, but for sure, not a baby. It has taken quite a while for our mother/daughter relationship to get to where it should be...still working on it. Ella was a baby and that relationship formed as soon as she was placed in my arms!

Bravo to you for being so incredibly understanding of all she is going through right now. I am a firm believer that all of our adopted children(young and older) experience a very real trauma when uprooted from all they have ever known and placed in our arms. Their healing from that trauma takes time.

Congratulations, again!!!!


Truly Blessed said...

I'm thinking, right about now, that you are GLAD you have your computer with you - what would you do without it? : )

I'm so glad to hear that you're doing somewhat better. Living on adrenalin gets hard on the system after a while, you really NEED to sleep!

Unlike you, I loved the food in China. The few times we had to eat at a KFC or McD's made me frustrated. Ahhhh, authentic Chinese food, I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!

You're doing a GREAT job. I am seriously in awe. Keep it up, cry in the bathroom when you have to, but I think it's okay to let Meiying know that you are having a hard time -- misery loves company sort of thing. It might make her happy to know she's not the only one...

Big hugs to you and your sweet girl...I look forward to the next installment in your China Adventures with Ava Meiying!!

gratefulfor8 said...

there are two breakfast buffets the one to the right of the lobby and one further into the left it has more American food and is quite good. ASk them!
DId you see the free market to the left of the hotel as you go out the lobby? it is very chaep and very fast and you can poitn at pictures to order which is relaly handy and she may fidn things she likes to eat there too.
try taking her in your arms, and snuggling her with her making eye contact with you as though you were going to feed her a bottle and feed her some candy while she makes eye contact. if she breaks eye contat you eat the candy. She will catch on pretty fast.
I share many of the same feelings you have, especially with my first three. I regret now that I held back more beacsue in thelogn run it made things more difficult later.
IF you can get your guide to translate , maybe she can communicate her feelings to you whiel snuggling her and you can tell her you understand her feelings and validate them.. that will help immensely. be sure to have the guide explain what you set as boundaries with her. that will make her feel safer if she knows what her limits are... good for you that you didn't let her buy out the whole store!
Be in charge, don't be afraid to insist some, believe it or not, yes respecting her limits is wise but don't let her take charge or be in control. That will actually make her feel really scared and out of control. She may object and not be happy about some no's at first but in the long run, she will comply and then feel safer... this sounds counter intuitive I know but bonding and helping an older child attach is complex and a whole different process.. do trust falls with her.. catch as she falls staright back off the bed, or have her jump to you in the pool from the edge. Those kinds of activities will help her feel safe ..knowing you are there...
hang in there. Yes she is beautiful, and I wish I could be there to support you but it sounds like you are doing fine.. ask for your head to be clear and ground yourself by laying on the floor or on the lawn that will help you reconnect to the earth and time zone a little and may help your sleep issue

Jean said...

I am loving your blog!! And rreliving our time in China last Nov/ Dec.

You are actually helpful to me too! Sometimes with older child china adoption I have felt a bit like an island. All your feelings- I have felt- you express them well on your blog. ook forward to when you return and we can keep in touch! Especially since (god willing ) we will have Ava's friend!

We had our guide tell Sarah her english name/ I was very hesitant to do it but the guide brought it up and told her all children get an american name but your new family will call you by the one you(she) decides on. Sarah chose to be called Sarah- but she often when back and forth. We actually called her Sarah Ming Ming in China. Otherwise she didn't know we where talking to her!

Have a great day!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sending me the link to your blog. I have been reading and praying and praying and reading, and studying all the photos. I know you must just feel so overwhelmed and tired but know you must get thru this time...just think you'll soon be home to FV and be a family again! I can't wait to meet Ava. She is so blessed that God chose you to be her Mom!
Here is God's Word to comfort you...Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28
Love you, Carol Colborn

Christi and Abbey said...

Amazing to jump back into your story after being out of the loop for several months. I am just in awe of you and her. I think you are so right that she is a very special child with a very distinct future. I feel like I am watching a movie in the making...but there you are living it, and with no clothes. I can so relate to the feeling of being XXL in China. Big blessings to both of you in this very special time. May God give you everything you need for her. Wow, and her foster mom seems amazing too.

K's mom said...

This Kelly's (Living my dream) mom and I am praying for you and Meiying. I.m sure God will reward you for all the discomfort and angst that you are experiencing today. So many cliches come to mind, but specifically (anything worth having is worth working for). As you keep working to overcome her trepidation to the gigantic changes she must inevitably accept, He will provide the instinct and wisdom to make a permanent bond.

Prayers for a quick breakthrough and a joyous future.

Stacie Warwick said...

I just read your blog. My family were in the same travel group with the Buth Family last year. She asked for prayer for you guys on facebook and let me know you were in China with your daughter. Good Luck and God Bless. Stacie Warwick