8:00 p.m. Guangzhou. Well, I thought last night was the bottom of the barrel. I was wrong. I don't even feel like typing about the day we had here, but what else is there to do? Today was bad. After my last update (around 10:30), the persistence by Meiying to call her foster family continued. She threw herself an absolute fit that was quite scary to be on the other end of. I called down to the front desk and told them to put a block on any outgoing calls. When she figured out that she couldn't call out, she figured out how to call the operator (or someone) and ask them to help her dial the number. 3x's I had to intercept and say "no thank you" to whoever was on the other end. She became mad as a hornet's nest. Throwing her shoes, trying to throw the phone. She packed up everything that she had; put aside the things that I had given her and decided she was going to leave. Yeah.
I called my guide, who's name is also Sarah, and fortunately, she took a cab over from Shamian Island, arriving w/in about 30 minutes. In the meantime, Meiying was crying and screaming and crying. It was horrible. She still wouldn't let me console her. When guide-Sarah arrived, she talked and talked to Meiying. I'm guessing this was around noon. She was here for almost 5 hours. Seriously, this went on all day. The crux of the problem is the language barrier so Meiying says. The guide says that Meiying is afraid that I won't be able to meet her needs (for ex. what she wants to eat). I explained to the guide that for 3-4 days previously, Meiying and I managed to be able to figure things out. I explained about the upsetting phone call to her f-parents last night and then another one this a.m. I think what has happened is that it all became real yesterday, taking the flight away from her province. To add salt to the wound, this morning, I had to put limits on her. She kept taking soda from the "free" concierge area during Wii and she didn't like it. Then, when we came back to the room, I told her no about calling her parents. The authority became the "salt".
So, basically, she told guide-Sarah that she wants to go back to her foster parents. When Sarah tried to explain to her that that couldn't happen and that if she went back, she'd have to live in the orphanage and her foster parents wouldn't be able to take her back, she said to call the orphanage then. I know, what a terrible conversation to have to have with a child. True, but terrible. So, she felt that we were telling her lies. On top of it, we found out that she never left the f-parents ahead of time like most children do, and return to the orphanage for a transition (scary, but true). Instead, she left her f-parents home the morning of meeting me, got on a train for a 5 hour ride to show up for the adoption.
After about 3 hours and feeling like I was going to throw up, I had to go into the bedroom area of the suite and close the door. Leaving the guide and Meiying to continue talking things thru. After a while, she sent Meiying in to get me. One thing I've learned is that when Meiying wants something or needs me, she can pull herself together in a second flat, but when the answer is no...the crying starts all over again. So, I followed Meiying back into the living area and they had set up Jenga. We played about 3 rounds. Then we started looking at pictures from home (my album) and she was asking lots of good questions about every picture. A definite interest and obviously lots of things she has been pondering, but couldn't ask because of the language barrier. Then we moved to pictures on my computer and the many videos of Eliza and Allie. She watched, laughed along with some of them and asked questions. She even looked at pictures of the bedroom and asked which bed would be hers. Aha, I thought we were making some progress. About this time, the guide had to leave to take some families to the airport. (She even re-arranged her schedule for the afternoon to be with us by finding another guide to help a family with another appt. She is really good.) So, after some back and forth and Meiying telling her that she wanted to leave with her and have dinner, etc., she talked Meiying into staying and having dinner with me (JOY)! As the door closed behind the guide, don't you know, Meiying asked to call her f-parents. And it started all over again.
At 7:15 p.m. tonight (no lunch, no dinner), she stopped crying, got up off the couch, put her pj's on and went to bed. She's asleep. The guide has some tours planned tomorrow for the group and suggested we go. Honestly, I don't know? She thinks it will be good for Meiying to be out with other kids and having fun. The thing is, that's what we were doing in Nanning, but look at how she crashed last night and today. I almost feel like she needs to just stay holed up and grieve this out. I feel like the other things are distractions, she doesn't have to deal with reality. Plus, she'll just hang with the guide and not have to learn to communicate. That's what she did while in Nanning and yesterday during all the med appts. I never thought we were going to get thru today and I certainly didn't think she'd get up and put her pj's on and go to bed. So, that's why I'm thinking she might need to continue to grieve and work this out tomorrow w/ me so we can get to the point of starting to meet in the middle?
As most of you know, my fears coming into this adoption were centered more around worrying that Meiying was going to have an undiagnosed special need, similar to what we went thru w/ Eliza. I had prepared for the grieving aspect. I guess I wasn't prepared for the all out rejection. I understand all the psychological aspects of her behaviors and emotions, but it doesn't make it any easier. This day sucked (sorry) and I'm seriously worried that she will not accept this or move forward because of her grief, her fear and her lack of understanding. I'm tired, but I don't want to go to bed because I'm afraid to wake up to tomorrow.
Friday, September 25, 2009
How deep is the barrel?
Posted by The Ordinary Horse at 8:31 AM