Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Adoption Day

Well, she said no.  Quite emphatically.  Let me start at the beginning.  The guide told her what would be happening first thing in the a.m. and she got very quiet.  When we were led into the conference room, they went thru asking me all the standard questions.  Now, when you adopt a baby or toddler, the adoption is official after they go thru all the questioning of the parent.  When you adopt an older child, however, they are then asked the question: "Do you wish to be adopted by this family and go live with them in America."  Well, she said no.  The guide, the official, the orphanage representative all started bantering at her.  She kept saying no and then shut down.  She sat there sitting up as straight as a board and cried, cried, cried.  Pushed everyone of us away from her.  Me included.  She didn't want me touching her arm or putting my arms around her shoulder.  She refused a tissue from me.
This was one of those real moments of understanding just how powerless an orphaned child is in this system.  It was terrible.  I could care less about her saying no to me; can you blame her.  She doesn't know me; she doesn't know what kind of life awaits her in our home, our life, our country.  I was so upset for her; for the loss, the grief.  The fact that in that moment, she felt she didn't matter in the decision-making.  She knew.  She knew that it didn't matter if she said no.  Well, she was spitting mad for about an hour.  We had to go to the passport office after that.  She chose to just sit out in the hall.  On the cab ride over to that appointment, I had to shut off my emotions just to keep myself from bawling my eyes out for her.  I felt it was best to just chill out and give her space to process it all.
After the appointments were thru, our guide offered to take us shopping (my luggage is still not here).  I told her to ask Meiying what she wanted to do.  Well, shopping it was.  And wouldn't you know it, she wanted a watch just like mine; she wanted sun glasses just like mine.  Then she wanted a sunglass case just like mine.  She wanted, wanted, wanted.  Get the picture.  It was exhausting.  I held my ground and said no more than yes.  We then went to McD's, it was the only thing my stomach could handle today.  She had never had McD's before and like Eliza, she's hooked on french fries.  And she loved the coke (never had that either).  So, new sneakers, a new outfit, both of which she had to wear out of the store, she was happily skipping along and holding my hand again.
Back in the hotel room, we've been playing Jenga (the wooden puzzle game) and she's very good at it.  She is so smart.  She really is.  She just called her f-mom again.  My guide said that I should limit that, but you know, I just feel in my heart that right now, I need to give her that.  So, I know she listed off all the things that were purchased today, which really wasn't that much (so don't panic Derek).   Okay, here's a funny translation error.  There was a children's clothing store Jeep (yes, Jeep) and had all the Jeep logo's.  So I told my guide to tell her that is what I drive back home, a Jeep.  Well, they started talking and laughing, the store clerk too.  I realized that they thought I drove a military Jeep (think tank with artilery firing off the top of it).  They pointed to a toy model of that and wanted to know if many American's drove a "jeep".  LOL...I then found a toy model of the Jeep that I drive and corrected them.  Oy!!
So, to my family and friends back home, I want you to know that Meiying doesn't reject us as much as she is a fighter and wants to be heard.  She desperately wants to be loved, accepted and have a family.  She is genuinely happy and very loving.  (These are all my impressions and not what I've been told.)  She is just very smart and an old soul.  (Right now, she is dancing and rocking her baby "bear" that I bought her today.)  She will be happy and love all of us.  Time will heal her heart. So, don't worry or be afraid.
I just heard that my luggage is in Beijing.  Will come to Nanning tomorrow.  Ugh!


Catching Butterflies 3 said...

I think you did that well. I do not understand? When she said no, did they actually let you adopt her anyway? I thought she had to sign something? What a beautiful girl she is! My goodness! You are going to have a time with her! You will need wisdom so she doesn't get a big head! People are going to give her so much attention!

Cheryl said...

Poor thing! If she only understood that if you didn't adopt her and "take her away from her foster mom", then someone else would have! The good news is that she has spirit! She's not going to take any crap and she'll stand up for herself! YEA! Hang in there sweetie. You're doing a great job. Follow your heart and do what you think is best in this situation.

Love you!


Colin and Jill Canada said...

I was bawling reading this post Sarah. I cannot imagine what she and you went through today.


gratefulfor8 said...

yes our son called his foster mom also . it got easier when we said good bye in Guilin and by the time we got to Guangzhou he was begining to bond with us.. so he only asked to call once more and cried and after that he was fine...
watch for day five it is always the magic day!