Sunday, October 4, 2009
So, yesterday was Derek's day #3 with A-M. If you remember, my day 3 was the start of the rejection. Ava-Meiying was certainly testing, rebelling, triangulating (*see more about that) and pouting and mixing some happiness in there too. We called it the B-P day (bi-polar) because her moods were all over the place. Today, she woke happy though and stayed happy all day...less busy...less chaotic in her playing with toys. She enjoyed being a big sister to Eliza today, even picking her up a few times and Eliza would giggle with delight; helping Eliza reach for things that she couldn't get to and giving her kisses on the cheek. I'm watching her carefully. She tried to reprimand Eliza about something Eliza was getting into and Derek and both told her "no"; that's mommy and daddy's job. Also, right now, I don't think she's perceiving Eliza as a threat because I'm Eliza's primary and so that free's up Derek to her. I'll continue to keep a watch though.
We met our friend Marisa and her 3 kids at McD's playland then all went to Harris Lake Park for bikeriding and playground time. Marisa's son, Jordan, is the same age as Meiying. They had a good time racing around the paved path on their bikes...even though he's a boy and she's a girl...ewww. She is picking up english very quickly (more translating then actually speaking it still), but she does repeat english very well. We bought her a V-tech laptop that she's already mastering (counting, letters, etc.). She and I have played a memory game that she enjoys and is very good at. She also had to put on an apron (to match me) and stood at the sink washing dishes while I made dinner tonight. She really seemed to enjoy helping out. She's been a joy today and seemed very settled in...the most today. She can get wild at times and whiney when we tell her she has to put something away before getting another thing out, but she's starting to get it. We topped off the day by going to Dairy Queen after dinner. It's 8:30 p.m. and both little girls are sound asleep already in "their" bedroom! Hip hip hooray. What a treat that is and what a beautiful site to see them both snuggled down in those beds in the same room. I love it!
So, my Guilin-family friend, Adriana, has been so good at sharing her experiences with me and the behaviors of older adopted children. She commented about triangulating when I mentioned that I was chopped liver and Meiying was now sitting in the front passenger seat. I knew she was right in what she was saying and quite honestly, you can tell that it's more than just a child interested in sitting up front to "see" everything out the car windshield. I knew that before I even read Adriana's e-mail to me. It was an obvious "honing" in on my space. (I don't mean for this to sound cruel; there were some other things that she was purposefully doing to try to move me aside for Dad's attention.) The first few days, she made sure to sit at the same place at the table that she sat for her first meal at home. Then, out of the blue, yesterday morning, she walked over to my seat while I was eating, holding her own plate, she gestured for me to switch seats with her (I sit next to Derek, of course). I told her no. Oh boy...she tried to nudge me out of the seat and tried pushing my plate out of the way. (Derek and I had already talked about not letting her do some of these behaviors just because she was new to the family; that it was more important to establish the dynamics of the family right up front.) So, Derek then spoke up and told her that was my seat and she needed to sit back down at the table at her seat. That was the start of the B-P day! The next issue was when we made her vacate the front passenger seat in the car and explained that was Mom's seat (which she already knew). She went rag-doll on Derek when she refused to budge and he had to physically pick her up and move her to the back. He felt awful, I could tell and I know my husband, he'd rather not deal with it, but I insisted that we stick to our guns about this. So, the rebelling began. She kept taking her seatbelt off while we were driving and stuck her tongue out at me when I told her to put it back on...oh yes (and it wasn't a sticking out of the tongue like you'd imagine, it was more like a throwing-up kind of sticking out of the tongue). It was a joyful day for me. She then started making Derek carry her everywhere. I won't go into all the details of the day. We certainly picked our battles and more importantly had to stick together like glue on some of the issues even though Derek thought more compassion was needed and all would work itself out (that's him). Today was better and she "took her place" in stride and without any issues. So, my recommendation is nip things in the bud right away and you'll have a more secure, happy child because they'll know what to expect and they'll understand the dynamics and how/where they fit in. I'm sure there will be more to come. In fact, she wouldn't share a piece of her candy with me after "lovingly" sharing it with her dad and dad took it away from her. He started understanding what I was explaining to him as things happen. She will still ignore us and more me, when she doesn't want to do something, but like parenting Eliza, I just "take away the distraction" and redirect. It's tiring, but she started coming around today. She is truly a blessing to the family and we're all enjoying the addition of Meiying (aka Ava-Mei, Mei-Mei, just Ava, just Meiying, etc.)
She was also very upset that she wasn't going to school yet like Allie and Eliza. So, on the agenda for this week, a visit to our pediatrician to make sure she's current on her immunizations needed for school and then getting her registered. She's really enjoyed going along when we pick up Eliza from school and I truly think she's ready to be be around kids again and learning. She seems to be craving the knowledge in everything we do, write, say, etc. I had even bought some Kindergarten and 1st Grade work books for counting and alphabet and she's loving them. Anyway, I've uploaded pics to Shutterfly and some video too. Thanks for continuing to follow our journey and commenting!
Posted by The Ordinary Horse at 9:19 PM