Packed up and calling it a night

8:30 p.m. Guangzhou (Tuesday)   That's it.  I can't believe I fit everything this girl talked me into buying into the 2 original suitcases that I brought to China.  I'm a little melancholy tonight.  I'm so excited to get home and see everyone and make the introductions, but I've also really enjoyed the last few days here with Meiying.  This trip to China was so different from the first trip in 2006 for more than the obvious reasons.   I really felt like I was seeing China through Meiying's eyes and through her language and it made me appreciate it in a different way.  I enjoyed watching her, so confident and spunky, make her way around the streets, the vendors, the restaurants.  I also enjoyed some really, really good Chinese food this time.  If you're coming to China, don't settle for Lucy's on Shamian Island every day (though it still provides the western comforts of a good hamburger and french fries as you sit and listen to Journey, Air Supply, the BG's, etc...)  Go to JM Chef and ask for the peppered beef on sizzling platter.  It's out of this world good!   Today, we walked...and walked...and walked the streets of Guangzhou through the local markets, alley ways and into their more western mall area.  We quickly left that mall and headed back to the more authentic streets.  I did this same thing in '06 w/ Derek and Eliza, but honestly, couldn't handle the smells and sights back then.  Today, I was soaking it all in.  It's an easy walk across the canal on Shamian Island and down a few streets once in Guangzhou.   Meiying was hilarious.  If someone would try to sell me something, she'd wave her hand "no" at them very emphatically and say, "Mommy-ahh, NO."  She had me try canalope icecream on a cone and it was fantastic (w/ raisins sprinkled on it).  Really, really good.  We bought and ate dim sum, all different varieties.  We bought some moon cakes to bring home for the Harvest Moon Festival coming up at the beginning of October.  At one point, our group broke up and our guide walked some of the group back to Shamian Island..  The rest of us were w/out our guide.  Well, Meiying turned into our little ambassador-translator.  This is how smart this girl is, the vendor would tell Meiying the price and she would hold up her fingers to tell us how much.  Of course, now that I think about, we think she's smart and were hoping that she gave us the right amount?!  Either way, she was so cute and thoroughly enjoyed her role.  It was raining for most of the walk and so we got filthy and wet, but it was so fun.   We spent the rest of the afternoon w/ Lieba and Amei finishing our shopping on Shamian Island and eating one last meal at Lucy's, which we lingered over and the girls played and drew pictures.   I've uploaded Meiying's drawings so you can see.  The first one is Mommy and Meiying and we are holding hands (she made sure to point that out to me and to point out my earrings).  The next one is our house, down to the detail of the chimney and a horse in the yard w/ someone riding it; oh and also Eliza's bike.  The next one is our house w/ a bird and an airplane flying above it.  Lastly, she wanted Lieba to draw a picture of me next to the house so she could copy it.  Well, Lieba's verson has me "thin"; Meiying's version has me quite plump.   Lieba being in the field of early childhood, tried to convince me that that means I'm warm and full of love.  Hmmm, yeah, ok.  She also has me very "teethy", which was so funny, and very interesting because I had gotten a copy of a "certain" report on Meiying, from a "certain" can't-be-named person before I left for China.  In the report it said that all the drawings by Meiying of her foster family, didn't include herself in the family and the foster mother was never smiling in the drawings.  So, apparently, my teeth and smile is worth drawing!   Lieba and I were both feeling nostalgic about leaving and were so thankful that we had each other to hang out with for the last leg of the adoption.  Amei is so similar to Eliza in many ways and it was good seeing Meiying interract with her.  She seemed to ground Meiying and bring out the calmer side of her.  I liked that.   After we said our goodbyes (which Meiying gave Lieba a big hug all on her own), Meiying (who I keep calling Eliza???) and I came back to the Marriott to begin packing.  Now, here's where it got really funny.  She was trying to pack everything in the room.  Yes, the mini bar, the bathroom toiletries and towels, the desk accessories, piling up the pillows.  Her Daddy would be proud of her!  I tried explaining that these things didn't belong to us.  Fortunately, our guide stopped by to drop off Meiying's passport/visa and the brown envelope (!!) and was able to explain to her.  I was laughing so hard.  Just wait 'til Meiying realizes that we're not going to live in a house w/ an elevator, breakfast buffet, soda, shopping, taxi rides... She is so excited to come home and has been looking at the photo album and practicing everyone's names.  Though she started getting giddy and was interchanging names (i.e. Eliza became Daddy; Daddy became the dog; ha, ha, ha, etc.)   Well, tomorrow (Wednesday), I'll be arriving at 9:05 p.m. on American from JFK.  I'm so excited.  Anyone that wants to come (Cheryl, Christa, Marisa, Judy, Kim, Tarra, Jen & boys, Jeff, Carol...) please come.  You can call Derek if you need more details.  If it's too late being that it's a school night, I totally understand and we'll make our rounds meeting everyone as soon as we're able, which will proably be soon since Miss Spunky-Pants-herself isn't into hanging around the house for very long.  Thank you everyone for all your prayers and support; I couldn't have made it thru those tough days without you all.  I look forward to being able to publish all your comments to my blog from my e-mail once I get home and then I'll be able to respond, since I can't access your e-mail addresses right now.  Enjoy today's pictures and videos!  Next update, from the States!!

Last day

8:40 arro.m. Guangzhou (Tuesday)   I opened my eyes to our last full day in China this morning.  Ah.  As Meiying and I walked the hall to breakfast this a.m. she wanted to be carried again.  Oh boy.  She kept hugging me.  Very baby-toddler like.  I wasn't expecting this, but I had read about it happening some times.  I thought it would happen more once we got home, driven out of insecurity.  Maybe she's insecure now?  I can't tell; it doesn't seem motivated by insecurity, but rather a deep longing.   Anyway, so I was walking, she was being carried and I said (without thinking she'd understand), "This is our last day in China.  Tomorrow we will get on a plane and go home to America."  (I did hand gesture a plane taking off into the sky.)  You know what she did in response, she smiled, hugged me and clapped her hands.  Huh!  Yes, she's miss happy pants still today.  No request for a phone call since Sunday afternoon.   She said, in english, "Good morning Daddy.  How are you today?"  So, we're off to Shamian Island to meet the group and go tour some authentic China markets; collect our children's passports and visas and then I guess just hang out for the remainder of today until we pack our bags tonight.  Wooohoo!

Our "day 5" happening on day 8

8:00 p.m. Guangzhou (Monday)   Most families will tell you that day 5 is the magical day of your stay in China, when your child becomes the happiest and things start clicking.  Well, because Meiying didn't start grieving really (and rejecting me) until our day 4, today...day 8...was our day 5.  Miss happy pants, ray of sunshine, still full of herself-firecracker ARRIVED.  Okay, so I did allow an Orange Crush and about 3 lollipops today, but that was the limit, I swear.  Talking about swearing...   We had a surprise today.  They moved our Oath Ceremony up one day to today!  So, at 4:15 p.m. 48 families gathered at the US Consulate's Office, stood up and raised their right hands to be sworn in and repeat the Oath.   I have to say, we've been blessed with two very exciting Oath Ceremonies for both of our adoptions.  At Eliza's in 2006, we had a visiting US Consulate who had been previously responsible for statistical analysis of Chinese adoptions for the US, perform the Oath Ceremony for us.  She was so honored to be able to be present for her first Oath Ceremony and talked all about what it meant for her after being responsible for the data all those years.  She made it very personal.   Most families experience a very anticlimatic Oath Ceremony that lasts 1 minute.  Well, today, was as exciting and personal as Eliza's, but for a different reason.  They had a play area set up in the back of the room that I didn't remember last time and the children were all having a wonderful time, all ages.  It was quite chaotic, but fun to watch.   A few times, through all the crowd and voices, I heard Meiying call out Mommy-ahh (which is what she calls me most of the time).  I'd turn my neck and wave and she'd wave back with a happy smile.  I told Lieba, "Okay, I know my daughter's voice now through the crowd".   I think all of the children could feel their parents' excitement, relief and the finality of the occasion.   Our guide had told Meiying ahead of time what today was about and what would be happening.  When it was time to be sworn in, Meiying came up and sat on my lap.  Hmmm. She began hugging me and pressing her cheek against mine.  We then stood up and she held my hand very tight as I repeated the Oath with the other 47 families.  We all hooted and applauded and congratulated each other.   The Consulate congratulated us on completing the long, grueling process under the new requirements and we all laughed about that...grumble, grumble.   I then looked down and saw the happiest face ever looking up at me and I gave Meiying a high 5.  She raised her arms indicating that she wanted me to pick her up.  So I did.  She gave me the biggest squeeze around my neck and said, "Mommy, wo ai ni"  (translation, "Mommy, I love you").  Can you imagine my tears?  I was in shock.  I actually thought, did I hear that right?  I turned to our guide and quickly repeated it; Meiying grinned at her and my guide confirmed that that's what she said.  I was crying for so many reasons, the emotions of having done this trip by myself, the end of all that paper processing that took so many hours to complete and that I have this happy, beautiful, loving daughter accepting me and ready to move forward into a new chapter in her life.  Meiying sat on my lap the 45 minute drive back on the bus.  She wanted my arms wrapped around her waist and held them there.   She's definitely going thru the stages right now.  She wanted me to carry her a few times like a baby.  Shockingly, I think she's lighter than Eliza!  LOL  It was kind of an odd feeling for me,  at first, feeling her getting so close and lovey, but I understood where she was coming from and wanted her to go through these stages securely, blissfully, and so I just hugged and squeezed her back.  She'd kiss my cheek, then she started touching my face; almost like tracing it.  I still can't find the words to explain what I was feeling.  It was a mixture of awkwardness, but also tenderness and humbling and awe.   I must tell you though that we started out the day with her watching everything I did to get ready in the morning.  Then she repeated each step from applying moisturizer to her face, my deoderant, my eye shadow, even the mascara, my gel for her hair, perfume and lipstick.  She was dolled up this morning.  Of course, by the afternoon, the mascara had smudged and the beautiful lilac colored eyeshadow was half way down her face.  She is such a cutie though; such a charmer.   What a day.  I'll upload some pics and some video so check them out.  I've thoroughly enjoyed the last couple of days and being in China this time w/ a child who can speak the language and seems so confident and "street smart" has made this a lot of fun.  I love listening to her talk to the locals and our guide.  I've even enjoyed the food more these last few days too, if you can imagine that.  Our guide took us to JM Chef on the Island tonight and their beef is out of this world.  I asked Lieba if she thought we were eating the tongue or some part that we don't eat in the states because it was so tender.  She said she was afraid to ask and so was I.  But it was sooooo good.  BTW, Meiying sat there at the US Consulate repeating every word, every hand gesture, every raised eyebrow of mine.  She was cracking herself up over it too.  Then when all the kids were in the back of the room playing in the playhouse, she was right in the middle of everything telling everyone where to sit or play.  She's going to have no problem going to school.  She might get in trouble for talking to much, but she'll love it, I have no doubt.   One last factoid to share that I think is pretty cool.  Derek and I met at the Minneapolis airport when both the companies that we worked for at the time were both based out of Minneapolis.  So, when we adopted Eliza, our first child together, the  "port of entry" into the US was the Minneapolis airport, which is where Eliza became a US Citizen.  Well, this time, I've traveled alone.  I was born and raised in NY.  Guess where Meiying's "port of entry" will be?  NY's JFK Airport!  Pretty neat, huh?  Also, when I was leaving out of JFK for Beijing, the projection screen inside the airplane showed the route of the flight as it was leaving JFK.  We flew right over Poughkeepsie (where I'm from) and I smiled, teared up and felt like that was a message from my Dad in heaven that he was with me on this trip.  So when I was having those few very difficult days with Meiying's grief, I kept imagining that screen on the airplane and the word "Poughkeepsie" and it gave me comfort and strength to endure Meiying's pain and look forward to a happier time.  Today was definitely the happier time.  I know there will be moments of grief still to come, but Meiying's spirit wants to be happy and this I learned and felt today.

Something else

Oh and this a.m. when we walked down to breakfast.  I kept saying good morning to the hotel staff and Meiying walked behind me saying, in english, "Good morning, how are you today?" with a big smile.  It was very cute!

Happy girl

9:50 a.m. Guangzhou (Monday) Quick post this a.m.  Meiying woke up happy for the first time.  Thank God!  To make things clear, she hasn't spoken to her foster family since Friday morning.  When I say that she's tried calling, just understand that the outside calls have been blocked by the front desk, so she isn't actually speaking to them.  Make sense?   Jean, would I have done anything different w/ regard to calling foster parents?  Definitely, I would have set a limit right up front.  I would've had the guide tell her she could call a set number of times and at a specific time (boundaries and expectations).  Then I would've made it clear that there was a last call.  You live and learn.  I do think it was a battle that we would've endured no matter what though, yes.  I think it will be easier on your girls when you're in China because they are sisters, both leaving the foster parents together.  It'll be alright.   I look around at all these babies and toddlers being adopted and while this was really, really hard for several days and I missed the connection you feel with a baby who "needs you", I am so happy to be doing this w/ a child who can play, who is self-sufficient, no diapers, no naps, no fear that they're sick and can't tell you, etc.  I am also so happy to see Meiying playing and I mean, appropriately playing, with dolls, games, toys, coloring.  Having Eliza's autism dianosis, we missed out on her being able to do so many of these things.  Still, I do miss the quiet and snuggly Eliza terribly!  Especially yesterday when Meiying was on such a sugar-hyped up high!  LOL  It's going to be a fun balance; I think my life will definitely be more balanced now as a mom to my kids.  I would definitely recommend an older child adoption.  I'm sorry if my blog scared some of you waiting parents.  You'll get thru it; if I could do (alone), you can do it!   I'll post again tonight...continued prayer requests for another good day.

Turning the corner, continued...

She has changed a setting on my camera, so just about every photo from today was blurry.  She also has been deleting pictures, so I'm missing some of the good ones that I had taken!  Urgh!!  I uploaded the few that were remaining.  Also, I uploaded the video from Metcha Day, the video of the Ayi looking thru the Guilin Family photo album I delivered, some video of Meiying swimming and the video in the store on Shamian Island today.  So, go to the video's section at the bottom of the Shutterfly page to watch.   Also, she's friends again with the 2 bears that I bought her and w/ her pillow that I bought her for the plane; as you can see in the pictures from tonight.  She made the bed for the bears again; first time in 3 days, and she is asleep with the pillow.  These items have been piled in the corner of the room for the last 3 days.  Progress!  The photo of the doll was taken by Meiying at the pool.  She had undressed her, taken out every braid and ribbon from the doll's hair, and brought her into the pool with her.  So this is the doll, dressed again, and lounging in the sun.  LOL

Turning the corner

8:30 p.m. Guangzhou   First...drum roll...TB test was negative.  Hooray!  All 5 kids in our travel group were negative except 1, sweet Amei, Leiba's daughter.  $30 (U.S. dollars) and 10 minutes later, she got a chest x-ray and it proved negative; so she was a false-positive, which are apparently happening at a rate of 60%.  So, we all marched out of the medical exam building with a skip in our step!  Why can't we get x-ray's done in the U.S. for $30?  Also, the US CDC has now granted waivers to families who are testing positive so that they can bring their child home for treatments.  So, if you're traveling soon, print out the waiver and have it with you just in case.   Second...drum roll...tomorrow is the Consulate Appointment with the Oath Ceremony the following day (Tuesday) and then flying home Wednesday.  Okay, we're in the final stretch!   Third...it's 8:30 p.m. and Meiying is still out here in the living room playing with some of her dolls; building them houses and showing me what she did.  I just blew her a kiss and she giggled.   So, I'll fill in the gaps of the day.  It was a big one.  She woke at 6:20 and snuck out to the living room, picked up the phone and tried dialing.  I stayed in bed and heard the wimpering and a few more attempts from her.  Headed out of the room for an early breakfast; still a bit sulky, she only ate a few pieces of fruit.  Came back into the room and she started calling again.  I went in to shower and she apparently got on my computer and launched all the videos of Eliza again (riding her bike, doing cheerleading with Allie, jumping on the trampoline and a few more).  She left them all open on my computer so that's how I knew she had watched them...6 in total.  Amazing that she can find them.  Hope she's not screwing up something on my computer?   Anyway, after I showered, she came into the bathroom with a package of Oreo's that she got out of the mini-bar and started engaging.  (Ah, yes, feed yourself some Oreo's when you're depressed...Go fot it.)  She must've eaten about 6 Oreo's and was feeling the effects of the sugar.  Getting silly and very animated.  I made her look at her Oreo teeth and we cracked up together.  She began watching me get myself ready.  I avoided eye contact to just let her have her time to watch me, non-threatened, and kept the intimacy out of her interraction with me.   She wanted to hold the blow dryer and help me with my hair.  I thought that was pretty cool.  We then headed off to the White Swan to meet the group for the TB results.   This girl was a firecracker all day.  Could've been the package of Oreo's, 4 lollipops at the Medical Exam, a Sprite, a Coke.  I know, I'm a crazy mom.  I just wanted her to go with it all today.  She was a hoot.  Meiying is already a people magnet because of her curly hair and infectious smile.  She's very comfortable talking to anyone.  Today, however, she was a trip.  In one of the shops, the clerk kept asking her where she was from and where her mommy was.  She told the clerk, "My mommy's right here" and said that I was her mommy.  The clerk asked her where her first mommy was and she said, "This is my first mommy."  Wow.   She was wheeling and dealing with the best of them in those shops on Shamian Island.  She wanted a jade budda necklace and told the shopkeeper that she didn't want to be cheated by getting some short string like a boy would wear.  The shopkeepers were cracking up at her.  Then, I started negotiating prices and said "no" to a few of the items.  Well, Meiying caught on to what I was doing and started dealing with them.  They would translate to her that Mommy said no, too expensive, and she'd drive them down to a better price so she could get what she wanted.  I started thinking, "hmmm, this could work".  So, I just kept shaking my head no and she kept working them and we walked out of the store happy with our price!  It was a hoot.  I got some of it on video.  I'll try to upload it.  They told me she is spicey, I was actually thinking ADHD.  LOL... She was definitely full of herself, full of sugar and over the top today.   Fed her some more sugar at lunch to keep the pleasant and firecracker mood going.  LOL...Then we headed to the pool.  After only 3 times of swimming in her life, she already put her head in the water and started learning to swim backwards.  She told me to take my sunglasses off...???  ...So she could push me in the pool.  Ah, yes, that was funny...'til I pushed her in.  Okay, so not to get her in a bad mood, I fed her some more sugar and let her continue pushing me in.   After a long and exhausting day of fun, we ate dinner at Lucy's (ate there for lunch too) and half way thru dinner, she said she was done and signaled that she wanted to make a call (ugh) and began whimpering and softly crying.  Leiba and I ignored her.  I patted her back for a minute, but then ignored the rest of it.  The chinese people in Lucy's were being all sweet and kind to her and bringing her tissues (she can work people, let me tell you).  I said to Lieba, "I feel like the insensitive American adopting this girl against her will."  LOL    Whether it's Meiying's personality or the fact that she isn't sure I'm understanding her, when she wants something, she is insistent about it over and over again to me until I do or get whatever she wants.  No patience.  A whee bit annoying.  So, when she started crying at dinner, I just didn't want her to think that we were going to get up and leave the restaurant because she was ready to or because she was having a sad moment.  She tugged on my arm indicating, "Let's go" and I looked at her briefly, indicated thru hand gestures that I was still eating.  She nodded and finally stopped crying and began playing with her doll.  When we were walking back to the White Swan to get a taxi, she started whimpering again.  I made her look at me, I pointed to my eyes and said, no crying.  She nodded yes and stopped.  That was it.   She did not try to make a phone call at all when we came back into the room tonight!  Hooray!!  She happily played with me here in the room tonight and then finished the night playing by herself on the floor next to me.  It's 9:00 p.m. and she is asleep.  Success!   I'm still wondering who posted the comment updating me on the Young and the Restless?  I'm still wondering how these people can drive so fast, playing chicken the entire time, and no regard for the lines that are painted on the road.  It's chaos.  It works.  How?  Alright, I'm going to get started uploading some pictures and attempt to upload the video if my connection is good enough.  Loved all the e-mails and comments; keep 'em coming.  They're lifesavers to me!

Cracking up...

Okay, who was the anonymous person who left me the comment updating me on the Y&R???  So funny.  Please identify yourself!

Feeling like her mother and baby steps

Saturday 6:37 p.m. Guangzhou   Dear friends and family, my gosh, I can't tell you how many, so many, thoughtful, encouraging, prayerful e-mails I have gotten and from some of you that learned of Meiying and I through someone else.  The China adoption community is amazing.  I am so appreciative of your sharing your own experiences in older child adoptions, your wisdom, your attachment advice and most of all that you simply reached out to me.  I wish I could meet each and every one of you and give you the biggest hug and thanks.  My friends and family, you are amazing.  I love you all so much for your tenderness and your support.  Marisa, thank you for skyping w/ me and letting me cry.  Thank you to Kelly and Cheryl and Adriana for also offering to skype with me.  You're all so wonderful.   The moment that Meiying woke today, she was still sad and angry.  Didn't want to Skype with "Daddy" and immediately started signaling for the phone again.  I got us dressed to go eat and then she wouldn't budge and started crying again.  I literally picked her up and carried her to the bed to try and jump on the bed together (Adrianna).  She was like a rag doll and wanted nothing to do with it.  I somehow managed to get her to stop crying and we went to eat.  She was still making eye contact w/ me, but was very distant and clearly detached from me other than the eye contact.   We returned to the room and it started all over again.  I thought, nope, we've got to get out of this room so at 8:00 a.m., we left for the White Swan and Shamian Island.  I hooked up with another mom from our group, also traveling alone, and the 2 of us decided we just needed to band together and keep ourselves busy and away from the hotel rooms for as long as we possibly could.  She adopted an 11 yo girl who is deaf and spent 9 years with her foster family in a very remote northern village rarely leaving the village home they lived in; dirt floor, no schooling.  She is hesitant walking on different surfaces and up/down stairs.  Her name is Amei (pronounced ahmay) and she spent the last 3 weeks at the orphanage in shock and grief before Metcha Day.  She then slept for 20 hours over the first few days with her new mom.  What these children endure is, well, I can't even find the right word for it.  It's just heartbreaking.  Hard to wrap my brain around this country too.   Apparently there is a big wave of opinions happening in China regarding American's adopting; it's negative.  I won't get into here, but when you see these children who have no future and that they are being adopted into loving and devoted families, it is hurtful to hear the locals sentiments about adoption.  Anyway,  Amei turned the corner on day 3 with her new mom and she is doing really, really well.  She is such a sweet, "little" girl; 11 years old and only 46 lbs.  Oh my.  She loved watching me talk w/ my hands going and my facial expressions.  She just kept watching me and laughing.  Her little nose crinkled with her smile.   Her smile is contagious.  And because she is deaf, she is non-verbal, but watches everything and smiles constantly as she is taking in her new world.  She had a good day today with us.  Meiying was hot and cold today.  There were moments of playing and interracting well w/ me; calling me Mommy again and coming to me, holding my hand again like earlier in our week and really holding, not jump limp-fish.  And then after those moments of intimacy, she would withdraw and signal for phone call.  I took it all in stride today.  I feel much stronger.  I would just somewhat detach, but stay smiling, happy eyes and connected by trying to redirect her attention.   We did a lot of walking around Shamian Island; ate at a good restaurant, had some Starbucks, went to a Park (more like the Duke Gardens) and just visited with the Oregon family that finally arrived on Shamian and many other Americans that were wandering the Island as well.  It was good to have Amei's mom, Leiba, to spend the day with too.  She is a good energy person.  We stayed focused on our mission together today.  Strong women banning our energies and convictions to become even stronger!   The moment Meiying and I arrived back at the hotel, Meiying began crying before we even got on the elevator.  I walked the hall as stoic and calm as I had been all day.  She has continued crying in the room and dialing probably 50 times attempting to make an outside call (still blocked) and wailing in between her unsuccessful efforts.  She did allow me to sit calmly next to her and gently rub her back acknowledging her pain.  So, that was good; she didn't shrug away from me.  She is one smart, strong, scared, sad little girl right now.  My heart hurts so much for her.  I actually started (finally) feeling that motherly love towards her today; probably because I had my own emotions in check.  It's 7:00 and she's already gone into the bedroom; no dinner, refusing to eat.  That's okay.   From all of your emails, I feel that we're going to get thru this.  Baby steps and much time and much help from an Attachment Therapist.   I can't remember if I mentioned in my last post that she was processing a lot yesterday; showing me the picture of her foster brother and showing me the picture of her bed at her foster home.  Both of these pictures were her way of processing the pictures of her new sister and her new bedroom that we spent a lot of time talking about earlier yesterday with the translator.  She definitely is making the connection to her what her new life will be and processing the grief and detachment from all that she knew.   I think it's so good that she is processing everything, crying, detaching, slowly reaching out to me; even if she pushes me away again.  It's all so important to the healing.  She's a tough cookie.  I told Derek that she's going to give us heck.  She's super smart, super independent, very athletic, knows how to play with everything and everyone so normal-like.  She's stubborn.  Of course, opposite of everything that I thought she'd be...LOL   I got a few pictures today and will upload them soon.  Beautiful orchid garden, Judy.  Unbelievable.  I sort of felt like I was a little outside of myself today though, going through motions, but that's okay.  One more day checked off.  Oh and we met another family who has one of those translation (calculator things).  We tried it out, but Meiying didn't seem to be able to read the pinyin...so I'm not sure that would help.  Trust me, she's going to learn english really quick.  We were playing mini-basketball in the White Swan hotel playroom and I was counting, 1-2-3 go and she was repeating it right along with me and all the way up to 10... in english.  I was singing Doe a Deer and later I heard her singing it using the right words...in english.  She's going to be fine once she let's go a little more.  Thanks again everyone.  I will try to answer the e-mails as time permits.  Xie xie everyone!!!

How deep is the barrel?

8:00 p.m. Guangzhou.  Well, I thought last night was the bottom of the barrel.  I was wrong.  I don't even feel like typing about the day we had here, but what else is there to do?  Today was bad.  After my last update (around 10:30), the persistence by Meiying to call her foster family continued.  She threw herself an absolute fit that was quite scary to be on the other end of.  I called down to the front desk and told them to put a block on any outgoing calls.  When she figured out that she couldn't call out, she figured out how to call the operator (or someone) and ask them to help her dial the number.  3x's I had to intercept and say "no thank you" to whoever was on the other end.  She became mad as a hornet's nest.  Throwing her shoes, trying to throw the phone.  She packed up everything that she had; put aside the things that I had given her and decided she was going to leave.  Yeah.   I called my guide, who's name is also Sarah, and fortunately, she took a cab over from Shamian Island, arriving w/in about 30 minutes.  In the meantime, Meiying was crying and screaming and crying.  It was horrible.  She still wouldn't let me console her.  When guide-Sarah arrived, she talked and talked to Meiying.  I'm guessing this was around noon.  She was here for almost 5 hours.  Seriously, this went on all day.  The crux of the problem is the language barrier so Meiying says.  The guide says that Meiying is afraid that I won't be able to meet her needs (for ex. what she wants to eat).  I explained to the guide that for 3-4 days previously, Meiying and I managed to be able to figure things out.  I explained about the upsetting phone call to her f-parents last night and then another one this a.m.  I think what has happened is that it all became real yesterday, taking the flight away from her province.  To add salt to the wound, this morning, I had to put limits on her.  She kept taking soda from the "free" concierge area during Wii and she didn't like it.  Then, when we came back to the room, I told her no about calling her parents.  The authority became the "salt".   So, basically, she told guide-Sarah that she wants to go back to her foster parents.  When Sarah tried to explain to her that that couldn't happen and that if she went back, she'd have to live in the orphanage and her foster parents wouldn't be able to take her back, she said to call the orphanage then.  I know, what a terrible conversation to have to have with a child.  True, but terrible.  So, she felt that we were telling her lies.  On top of it, we found out that she never left the f-parents ahead of time like most children do, and return to the orphanage for a transition (scary, but true).  Instead, she left her f-parents home the morning of meeting me, got on a train for a 5 hour ride to show up for the adoption.   After about 3 hours and feeling like I was going to throw up, I had to go into the bedroom area of the suite and close the door.  Leaving the guide and Meiying to continue talking things thru.   After a while, she sent Meiying in to get me.  One thing I've learned is that when Meiying wants something or needs me, she can pull herself together in a second flat, but when the answer is no...the crying starts all over again.  So, I followed Meiying back into the living area and they had set up Jenga.  We played about 3 rounds.  Then we started looking at pictures from home (my album) and she was asking lots of good questions about every picture.  A definite interest and obviously lots of things she has been pondering, but couldn't ask because of the language barrier.  Then we moved to pictures on my computer and the many videos of Eliza and Allie.  She watched, laughed along with some of them and asked questions.  She even looked at pictures of the bedroom and asked which bed would be hers.  Aha, I thought we were making some progress.  About this time, the guide had to leave to take some families to the airport.  (She even re-arranged her schedule for the afternoon to be with us by finding another guide to help a family with another appt.  She is really good.)  So, after some back and forth and Meiying telling her that she wanted to leave with her and have dinner, etc., she talked Meiying into staying and having dinner with me (JOY)!  As the door closed behind the guide, don't you know, Meiying asked to call her f-parents.  And it started all over again.   At 7:15 p.m. tonight (no lunch, no dinner), she stopped crying, got up off the couch, put her pj's on and went to bed.  She's asleep.  The guide has some tours planned tomorrow for the group and suggested we go.  Honestly, I don't know?  She thinks it will be good for Meiying to be out with other kids and having fun.  The thing is, that's what we were doing in Nanning, but look at how she crashed last night and today.  I almost feel like she needs to just stay holed up and grieve this out.  I feel like the other things are distractions, she doesn't have to deal with reality.  Plus, she'll just hang with the guide and not have to learn to communicate.  That's what she did while in Nanning and yesterday during all the med appts.  I never thought we were going to get thru today and I certainly didn't think she'd get up and put her pj's on and go to bed.  So, that's why I'm thinking she might need to continue to grieve and work this out tomorrow w/ me so we can get to the point of starting to meet in the middle?   As most of you know, my fears coming into this adoption were centered more around worrying that Meiying was going to have an undiagnosed special need, similar to what we went thru w/ Eliza.  I had prepared for the grieving aspect.  I guess I wasn't prepared for the all out rejection.  I understand all the psychological aspects of her behaviors and emotions, but it doesn't make it any easier.  This day sucked (sorry) and I'm seriously worried that she will not accept this or move forward because of her grief, her fear and her lack of understanding.  I'm tired, but I don't want to go to bed because I'm afraid to wake up to tomorrow.