Happy Thanksgiving from our farm to your home!

Hauling away the pumpkins and (dead) mums to make room for Christmas decor!

Sniffles still being passed around our family...

preventing Mommy from attending a Silpada jewelry party...

so we made our own fashion jewelry!

Have a happy, healthy and love-filled Thanksgiving everyone!

I remember the days when Eliza used to walk into the house after school and drop her backpack.

NOW SHE DROPS HER DRAWERS!

She loves the sensory of smoothing out her diaper, then slowly closing her legs and watching the diaper crinkle up; then smoothing out the diaper again.  She does all this in slow motion.  It's a ritual; a stim; it's annoying; it's autism.  You can't always figure out why these kids do what they do.  Some times, it's fascinating watching and wondering; and some times it's just plain irritating because it's different...AND BECAUSE...

IF YOU KNOCKED ON MY DOOR THESE DAYS,

THIS IS WHAT YOU'D WALK INTO:

and this...

One with her pants down to her ankles, shuffling around the house, and one with her sunglasses on (even on rainy days and dark nights) and socks pulled up as high as they'll go!  On 2 different ocassions (how do you spell that word, the more I look at it, it looks wrong and no matter what I come up with, it doesn't look right?!),..anyway, on 2 different "whatevers" I heard both Derek and Allie say out loud, "She's not going out of the house w/ her socks like that, is she?"  You'd think they'd be used to what's not normal; sheesh, I mean, Eliza leaves both Barney and Pooh home now and just carries a diaper with her EVERYWHERE we go.  I laugh now because I don't even need to make sure that I have a spare diaper in my purse, Eliza carries her own!

So, Zoloft days 3, 4...up to 7 now, have continued as well as days 1 and 2.  Eliza's teachers have been equally pleased with her focus, vocalization, returned useage of signing and participating in social play.  That doesn't mean that Eliza is no longer autistic as demonstrated by the photo above (lol), uh really? 

And in case you're wondering, yes, I do pull her pants back up constantly (so does Derek, Allie and Ava).  She nods her head at me when I pull them up and say the words "pants up"; then she waits for me to walk away and pulls them back down.  Right after I took that photo of Eliza trying to get juice from the fridge, she heard Barney come on the tv and took off in a run only to forget that her pants were down and SPLAT, she fell.  That didn't stop her though from getting up and shuffling along as fast as she could.  It was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

So, here's two pictures of my smiling beauties.   Tho Eliza's picture reminds me of a Whoopie Goldberg mask that my brother had one year at a family get together.  My dad had put it on and was riding one of the kids' bikes around and it is still a picture that makes me laugh out loud when I see it.   But any time I can get Eliza to actually look at the camera and smile on command is a prayer answered.  So, thank you Zoloft.  The sleeplessness still continues, however, and I'm waiting for that prayer to get answered or at least an understanding of why it's not getting answered!

Zoloft day 2, Eliza:  Too early in the day for a full report, BUT she just walked up to me and pulled her pj's at her bum area.  "Do you need a diaper change?"  "Mmmm" with a nod, she replied.  "Bring me a diaper please."  She walked into the bathroom and returned with a diaper.  She has NEVER told me that she need a diaper change (even in this way) and it's been many months since she's brought me a diaper, but never after just one request.  Fingers crossed; prayers being prayed...that the day continues this way!

Zoloft day 1, Eliza...all I can say is wow.  I met a new daughter today.  A daughter who looked us all in the eye.  A daughter who was smiling.  A daughter who was participating in jump rope along with her sister.  A daughter who didn't try to constantly run off from us.  A daughter who was actually sitting with us at my friend's patio, drinking water from a cup and being present.  A daughter who actually got into my friend Kim's car and happily sat there looking around to see where we were going instead of screaming and having a panic attack over getting into a stranger's car like she has in the past.  A daughter who needed only 1 prompt from me to follow an instruction.  A daughter who was trying to verbalize responses back to me again.  Wow.  I didn't get to this decision easily or lightly.  I prayed a lot about putting my 4 year old on this medication.  Now, I pray this very low dose (1/2 ml) continues to help her.

Here's a new video of my little ham practicing her new favorite thing to say! Be sure to go to the next post after watching the video for updates and lots of pictures:

Just some pictures of my two adorable little girls sharing computer time.  Aren't they so cute together?  A great website is http://www.starfall.com/  Ava's teacher lets her get on it during the school day when she notices that Ava starts "checking out".

Ava had a "Miss Spider's Tea Party" costume party in her class.  She had to be an insect so we used part of her Halloween costume and came up with a butterfly.  She had a great time.  The kids in her class had lots of questions for me about why I look different, why I'm not speaking chinese, how do you say ????, etc.  Very cute; very innocent and very welcoming to Ava.  They all had to tell me their names and that they are friends with Ava.   Her parent-teacher conference was the next day and she is doing very well and adjusting.  Her teacher and I decided that maybe I should come in and read a book about adoption during book time; and also come in during the Chinese New Year to talk to the class about it and let Ava show some things.  (Would welcome any of you BTDT's opinion or experiences.) 

Eliza got her haircut shorter this time.  (I always cut it because it's too much of a sensory experience in a negative way to take her to get it cut professionally).  Anyway, I loved how it turned out and would like to go even shorter!  She refused to stand still or look at the camera; this is her whizzing past me, and her picking her nose, and her actually letting me snap a picture of the back (lol).

Halloween was fun for Ava though she wasn't sure what to make of the scary parts of it!  Eliza enjoyed tolerated the jogger and only went to 3 doors, having to be carried by mom.  She wasn't into it this year at all (more on that below).  Fortunately, to help Ava understand, I had dressed in costume (sort of) too, so I happily went to each door w/ Ava collecting Eliza's treats!  I had a really good time experiencing this w/ Ava.  The girls were both dressed as fairy princesses this year.   Ava couldn't wait to put on her costume.

You should've seen Ava's face when she saw the first bowl-filled w/ candy that she got to choose from.  She took a while deciding as all the other kids were off and running to the next house.  We never did catch back up with our group.  By the end, she was just grabbing and going.  She finally said "tong" (hurt) and pointed to her legs.  She was exhausted.  Admittedly, I did play the "adopted from China" card a few times too when I had to explain that she couldn't understand their questions or the scary monsters sitting by people's front doors.  So she got lots of extra candy and lots of compliments!  She always said thank you and bye-bye, which is more than most of the little monsters kids were doing.  She is really so sweet and I'm falling in love with her. 

(She went along w/ Allie, my friend Kim and me to see the Amelia Earhardt movie on Sunday.)  Believe it or not, she enjoyed it...and the popcorn, soda and Twizzlers!  The cinematography was beautiful and not too much speaking, so she sort of understood what was happening.  I found myself watching her during the movie, just like I did when I first took Eliza to a movie.  I also had one of those moments when the  magnitude of a "China adoption" hits you...the paperwork...the travel to a foreign country...the entrusting of a child to you...  It really hit me sitting there watching THAT movie (about a woman pioneer) and my daughter.   I was a woman pioneer traveling to China alone.  Now I know what you all meant when you would e-mail me telling me that you couldn't believe I did it alone.  At the time, I wasn't thinking about it in that way; more of just needing to get there and bring home my daughter.

An update on Eliza that I've been meaning to share:  We're trying a sleep medication for Eliza (Clonidine); not having much luck w/ it.  Still averaging 6 hours of sleep per night; that's about 4-5 hours for me.  She IS still sleeping up in her room though and she IS still falling asleep relatively fast.  Seems her autism is debilitating her progress at school and home these days though.  She's requiring more redirection than ever and prone to the silly's, the twirling, laying on the floor, and flapping or hitting herself.  She has outburts of laughter, raging, crying.   Poor thing.  She's just completely unfocused and uninterested.  Please pray that she'll breakthrough this cycle as she has in the past.  She is really stunted right now.  These cycles are hard on everyone.  She's had a lot of changes both at home and in school; lack of sleep doesn't help; but really the changes have been gradual since mid-summer.  Ava is one that Eliza will really engage with though and that's great to see.  Ava adores her and fortunately, thinks Eliza's quirky ways are funny.  Having a child with autism is an isolating experience, especially during these more-autistic cyles, because life outside of the home is limited for the family.   I love Eliza so much; she's so beautiful and so intuitive; I wish I could do more for her as her mother.  (Ava's classroom looks out on the AU pre-k playground so I got to watch Eliza a little bit when I went to Ava's Miss Spider party.  Most of the time, she was either standing next to a bush or laying in the sand looking up.  I had tears in my eyes for her as I heard Ava and her classmates talking and interracting behind me.)

Enjoy all the pictures!

Though it seems quiet from here...

...it's definitely not.

Coughing, sniffling, whining, achey joints, nauseau, even a vomit...just keeps cycling around us. Derek has decided that "our" diagnosis is H2N2...yes, version 2 of H1N1.  What, you haven't heard of it?  If you constantly feel just blucky, tired, nauseau, but nothing comes of it, then you have what we have:  H2N2.  That's right.  Though Dr. Derek also made himself throw up and he got well in a few days, the rest of us wimps won't make ourselves throw up so we're just harboring it!

Sorry that I don't have any pictures of Ava to post.  I do have pictures that Ava took...of mommy trying to look good thru the sickness...

...And of Hogan and Sadie whom Ava has made peace with as long as it's on her terms.   In other words, she wants to measure and fill their bowls and tells them to "SHIT DOWN" as she delivers their bowls, but if they don't "SHIT DOWN", she gets louder yelling "SHITTT DOWN".   Luckily, we live on a farm so I don't worry about neighbors hearing her.  I haven't yet explained that shit is a bad word.  She also wants to walk Hogan as long as Hogan stays at least 5 feet in front of her.  If he circles back towards her/us, she lets go of the leash and screams; it's a retractable leash so it goes spinning and retracting straight at Hogan.  Poor Hogan.  I taught her to keep her hands and arms down when she is around them and if she gets afraid to walk with her head and eyes looking straight up and ahead and MARCH with determination.  (Really, our dogs are very gentle.  Hogan has been known to get excited once in a while, but he is only 2.)  He jumped up on her chest one day while she was running thru the backyard, but of course, her arms were up.  I tried to explain what happened to her.  I think she is figuring it out.  She does like the dogs though.

And then there's pictures of her little Polly Pocket dolls that she loves and is collecting.  They're all piled into the wooden car that Derek got out of storage.  His Dad had made these cars.  She thought they were really cool and perfect for a "Polly girl outing".

And lastly, a picture of Eliza looking scared as she watches Pooh and the "knocking" on the door while Pooh hides under the covers!

That's it!  School continues to go well.  There's a parent volunteer who comes and eats lunch w/ Ava 2x per week; she is native chinese and she loves translating for Ava.  Ava of course, loves it too.  Speaking of, I need to go pick her up from school now!

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The girls heading off to school for the FIRST time enrolled together!

Yes, Ava's now in school.  Loves it! 

She's in 1st grade (tho age-wise should be in 2nd).

Feeling peer-pressure already,

following enrollment in school came a haircut!

Okay, her long GORGEOUS hair

got in the way at the water fountain,

and the toilet, etc.

She was soooo exited and so brave.

Are you kidding me, that much?

Donated to Locks of Love.

Okay, this didn't phase Ava.

It made mommy tear up though.

Seriously, I think it was my first big mommy moment;

I felt like she was my baby growing up.

Ponytail cut off, next up a good wash and massage.

Wow, look at it!

Oh my, A-DORABLE!!!

The easiest hair; I'm sooo jealous.

Okay, enough mommy; you're making me feel self-conscious.

Stop it mommy!  Put the camera away.

Yes, yes, I do love it mommy!

Why can't mommy ever get in these family photos?

Ava's first pumpkin patch and she chose a small pumpkin.

Only because that's what Eliza chose!

Next year she'll want the biggest pumpkin.

Obviously, this was a week of firsts:  school, haircut, pumpkin patch.  She had a great week.  She's very happy.  We even looked at some foster family pictures the other day and she was all smiles and telling us all about the pictures.  She came up later and gave me a big hug and said (in english) I love you mommy!

Time flies...

...when you're having fun! (Turn on your volume for the song; and the video at the bottom of this post...)

Fun shopping consignment sales for skinny-waisted, long legged pants; Ava-approved skirts; festive long-sleeved shirts; shoes, (Sponge Bob, bright yellow) croqs, (Hello Kitty) rain boots; gum, candy, did-I-say GUM; dolls, bunnies and accessories.

Fun playing with the Little People house; her assortment of babydoll and stuffed animals w/ their "own" pack n play, stroller and bottles. Fun singing and dancing to her Chinese Children's Songs CD. Fun jumping on the mini trampolene and watching Tinkerbell (our barn cat) bounce along with her. (Tinker is her first "favorite" pet on the farm; she calls for him all day and he happily gives up a mouse chase to come running for a piece of whatever she's handing out.) Fun watching Winne the Pooh and getting as hooked on it as her little mei mei, Eliza; oh and yes, Barney too; Sponge Bob Square Pants...just to name a few others. Fun coloring and drawing wonderful pictures of her new life on the farm.

Fun asking Mom and Dad to "act out" Trick or Treat over and over again so she gets it just right come October 31, which no doubt will become HER favorite "holiday" since she is the biggest sweet-tooth I've ever met. Fun getting a balloon and free cookie every time she goes to the grocery store.

Fun adding the word "pee" to the end of every english word she repeats for us: Thank you Mompee; Trick or Pee; A B C Pee; 1 2 Pee 4; Hopee (Hogan)...and laughing hysterically at herself when she does it.

After about a week being home, Derek and Ava had run into a fast food restaurant to use the bathroom, so I moved over to the driver's seat to pull closer to the building for them. I slightly drove up on the curb and started laughing. I had to remind Allie that it was the first time I had driven in about 3 weeks. At that, Derek and Ava came out of the restaurant to get in the car. When Ava got in and saw me behind the wheel, she said "Uh oh!" and looked at Daddy with a startled look. We all started cracking up and it dawned on me that we took a taxi everywhere in China and Dad had been driving since we came home. She probably didn't know that I knew how to drive. We all had a good laugh over that.

Ava's doing really, really well. She seems genuinely happy. She's respecting boundaries better now with minimal re-directing. It seems that I only have to correct her once or show her once how to do something and she's on it next time w/ no prompting from me. She still tries to slighly squat on the potty instead of sit and we had an accident in Target when she was squating over a (I guess?) higher-than-normal toilet seat and pee'd all down her leg, into her undies and skirt that she had pulled down to her ankles. She came shuffling out of the toilet area calling "Mommy". I was a bit shocked, but told her to pull 'em up, wash her hands and out we went to purchase new undies and pants; pay for 'em; and return to the rest room.

She and Eliza are interracting well; seeing some teasing from Ava, but Eliza is pushing her back and in some ways seems more mature than Ava (lol). She has to wear and have everything that Eliza has. She no longer wants to wear her hair up because Eliza wears hers down (a short bob). She actually wants me to cut her hair short (yikes!) Considering Locks for Love, but would never go shorter than the 10 inches required to make a donation. When she wears her hair down, she sits on it or it gets caught in the back pocket buttons on her pants and she screams in pain. ... She wants the same clip in her hair that Eliza wears, ya-da, ya-da, ya-da. They get into the silliest giggle fits and I've caught a few on video. They are still happily sleeping in the same room and going to bed on time (wow, mom's dream come true).

She sets the table for me every night and has to count out the napkins herself. She also likes to put on an apron, pull up her sleeves and wash dishes. She helps me fold clothes and does it with such skill that it makes you wonder who is doing your laundry when you send it out in China!

She is still whining about not going to school like everyone else. I've got her reigstered and think she'll start soon. She's been in school (Half the Sky) since she was 3. She's an outgoing girl and in my heart, I think she needs to be there. She is "fitting herself" into the family more and more every day in many different ways...all good. She wants her artwork displayed in the kitchen like Eliza's. She had us hang her China things over and around her bed. She understands her seat in the car and at the table now. She draw pictures of herself with the family. She and I set up her closet and her drawers in the dresser.

Ava looking up at Daddy in airplane

Ava and Tinkerbell on the sidewalk

Mommy walking Hogan (Eliza ripped the paper in half)

Derek has had to travel 2 times now since we've been home (back-to-back weeks) and she's accepted it fine. We draw pictures of airplanes and count the days. Her eating is getting better; she loved my beef stew and was intrigued watching me make it. I love hearing her talking to her dolls or playing and talking to herself in Mandarin. She sings a lot. She is perfectly comfortable talking to the mandarin speaking people in our Chinese restaurants too.

As for me, I can't believe we've only been home 2 weeks and that it's only been 4 weeks since I first met Ava. She's an in-your-face type of child, which has taken me a bit to settle into, but her smile and laugh is infectious. The jet lag wasn't as bad this time for me, but I think that's because I had Ava talking and going non-stop every day vs. Eliza being a baby-toddler and me being home alone with her last time. I go to bed exhausted every night and my ears ringing from the noise all day (lol). I'm still trying to balance being a mom to every one and a wife to Derek; pretty irritable every day, but hoping that time and sleep will ease that...okay and compliance from everyone! I went for a walk alone on Sunday with Hogan; alone for the first time in 3 weeks. Wow; I require a lot of alone time. I walked so slowly that I was almost walking backwards! The peaceful, wind-blowing, cool breeze, sunshine, the time alone felt so good. The days go by so fast that I rarely have time to take it all in and give thanks for this beautiful, spirited, so-wanting-to-be-loved and accepted child that, frightened as she was, took my hand and let me bring her home.  There was a time in China, when I didn't think she would.  The song that I chose to play is for Ava and our time together.  "Thank you, Ava, for letting me be your mommy and showing you the world that you didn't know."

(To watch the video, stop the song in the sidebar so you can hear Ava.)